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I was hoping to discover something like the orgy scene in Eyes Wide Shut. Except with more sand and fewer Scientologists. I went alone. If you injure yourself, no one can help you. Where would they keep the splints, bandages, and ointments? As I walked down, I wondered: how many sets of testicles was I about to see? And is naked volleyball as awkward as it sounds?

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I just got back to Chicago from vacation in sunny San Diego so naturally I hate everyone and everything. However, I did have a great time so it was worth the current state of hypothermia I am experiencing. I made it my personal mission to visit every beach within 50 miles, including one that happened to be a nude beach. Imagine my surprise when I reached the bottom and was greeted by a man wearing nothing but sunglasses and a smile. My friend and I found a spot a respectable distance from any given sunbathing naked man and laid out to work on our tans.

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